


An American Idiot

by SoulNarrative



Category: AFI
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-06 08:33:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3128027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulNarrative/pseuds/SoulNarrative
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Davey contemplates how his role in a new stage musical may be a metaphor for his love-life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An American Idiot

**Author's Note:**

> Word count: 2805   
> Published: 05/16/2011 Updated: 05/16/2011

He didn’t open his eyes. Instead, he listened. He listened to the throb of the city below his hotel room and thought how strange it was that a million sounds could blend into one pulsation. Then again, as a musician he should understand this.

He listened to the soft inhalation and exhalation of the one asleep beside him. He kept his back turned to him, delaying the moment of recognition and all it would bring. He contemplated how apt the title of this play was, for he considered himself an idiot – at least in matters of the heart. And he was American, although he conceded the fact with chagrin.

Yes, indeed, when it came to unrequited love, he was a star. He was so moved when Adam and Jade had show up unexpectedly in New York, just to see him on stage. He’d been glad he didn’t know they were watching as he already had a bad case of nerves. He’d been glad they’d come separately so he could have each one all to himself. ‘As if that were ever possible,’ he admitted. Such a thought was, well… idiotic.

He indulged himself in the memory of Adam throwing his arm around his shoulders after the show and pulling him tight against his side, grinning that lop-sided grin and glowing with pride at his best friend’s accomplishment. Adam didn’t have a competitive bone in his body. He always said life was too short for jealousy and he was happy if those he loved were happy. Davey envied his lack of envy.

While he was held in that strange embrace, his arm looped around Adam’s waist, Davey shamelessly let his fingers slip into the valley that lined Adam’s well-defined groin just below his waistband. It was a gesture so subtle that no one would notice. No one but Adam. And Adam held Davey a little closer, allowing those fingers to slide lower. Davey exhaled an involuntary sigh as he remembered their kisses, so secret. Kisses that were somewhat chaste despite Davey’s attempts to make them more. Adam offered them like consolation prizes, knowing it was Jade Davey was really thinking of.

Adam doubted Davey could understand how deep and pure his love for him was. The passionate abandon in Davey’s voice when he sang set Adam free when they played and drumming became as effortless as the beating of his heart. He’d wondered how that intensity would translate to an off-Broadway stage in someone else’s music. He was not surprised Davey surpassed all expectations in his homoerotic, tragic portrayal of St. Jimmy. Only Davey could turn demonic obsession into angsty romance. Truth be told, Adam was a little saddened that it was such a successful transition – after all, it wasn’t AFI.

When they kissed Adam drew a line and wouldn’t allow Davey’s tongue past his lips, fearing he’d discover just how good it was and not be able to stop. He didn’t want to know what that tongue might be capable of. It was easy to pretend it wasn’t Davey he was kissing - his kisses were so feminine and sensual. He always stopped it before he might become aroused. Unfortunately, that was no help to Davey. Every time it happened, Davey cursed himself for once again being an idiot.

He’d seek out Jade who could smell the sexual tension in him and offer release if circumstances permitted. Somewhere inside Jade knew it was Adam that had put Davey in such a state but he didn’t care because he wanted Davey just as much and if that’s what it took to bring him to him then so be it.

It was furtive, dark and Jade wouldn’t kiss him. They’d stand close together, Davey’s pants open just enough to hastily pull on a lubricated condom. Jade’s long, strong fingers would wrap around Davey’s cock and pump until he came. Jade’s hand stayed clean.

Through it all, Davey would bury his face in Jade’s shoulder, eyes squeezed shut, teeth gritted in silence and his hands fisted against Jade’s chest. As his orgasm subsided, he wanted to burst into tears but wouldn’t humiliate himself so. And he was afraid of ruining Jade’s shirt. He only wore designer now, too. It was Davey who was always left a mess.

They’d been doing this since when all they owned were five ratty band tshirts between the two of them. They did it with their laps hidden under a smelly blanket in the back of some heap of junk they were traveling in to another gig while the other guys slept or drove. They did it in the tour bus shower right after a great show in front of thousands, claiming they’d save time and water if they jumped in together. They’d do it on Davey’s deck on chilly, foggy Bay nights when Davey was unbearably sad about nothing in particular. They’d done it for so long in so many places in so many ways Davey couldn’t remember them all anymore. He didn’t need to because the essence was unchanging.

And now here was Jade, surprising him in New York. He’d caught Davey’s hand just after he’d left the stage, pulling him into the shadows of the wings. He’d brought that delicate, immaculate hand to his lips and pressed them against it, whispering, “Bravo” in that nasal mumble of his. Davey nearly swooned but Jade dropped it like hot coal when they heard her lilting voice approaching.

She ran up to Davey and thrust a bouquet of fragrant roses into his arms. He bent down and kissed her soft cheek. “Thank you, kitten,” he said.

She beamed. “Thank Jade! He’s the one who picked them out for you!”

“Thank you, Jade,” he smiled but Jade avoided meeting his eyes. Davey asked himself for the thousandth time how he could be such an idiot.

There had been Jeffree with intoxicating androgyny, a fearless, brash faggot whose courage awed Davey. He was raw sex in your face in eight inch heels. He was dirty, dangerous and addictive. There was no discretion or inhibition in their lovemaking. It was animalistic and Davey had the marks to show it.

As he fell in love, Davey yearned to see behind the nightclub mask Jeffree wore even after the lipstick and makeup had been rubbed off on the pillows and sheets. Finally he lost hope he ever would. He’d been an idiot to expect more in Jeffree’s masquerade of glitter and debauchery.

Billie Joe. If it really were the last night on earth they would’ve chosen each other to spend it with. He’d been Davey’s first love and Davey had been his when they were very young. They were so similar in so many ways he’d thought time and space could never truly separate them. Throughout the long years the flame re-ignited over and over just to be doused by…everything. Now Billie had been a husband and a father for so long that the occasional tryst meant nothing and left Davey hollow, feeling stupid, an idiot.

All the lovely ladies had ended up being nothing more than starfuckers. They’d knelt at his feet in worship – until they spied the next shooting star to chase and capture. Somewhere deep inside he carried a knife of guilt that they ran because there was doubt that they were really enough for him. The fact that he preferred tall, willowy models with small breasts and insisted on taking them from behind on their hands and knees created suspicion. Perhaps he hadn’t been the idiot in that scenario.

His ruminations made him uncomfortable so Davey shifted onto his side and faced his companion. He moved stealthily so as not to wake the one beside him. He wanted to watch him sleeping and ponder how they’d ended up here. He was startled when his eyes locked with ones that had been studying him.

Those vivid blue eyes were focused on him, intense beneath the lids still swollen from too much drink and too many tears. It took a second for Davey to recognize the familiar face. He’d been too distraught and angry last night to really notice how much he’d changed and become a man – even when he’d been close enough to shove him in the chest.

Gone was the boyish waif who moved with equal grace on the catwalk and the makeshift basketball court at their recording studio. In his place was a beautiful man with strength enough to stop him cold. Davey had to admit this new assertiveness had made him weak with want.

As he gazed at his changed lover, he noted the wide, full mouth was now in proportion to the generous nose that had always embarrassed him and the square jaw was now strong and defined. His arms had lost that spidery thinness and had some definition. The only delicate features remaining were the smooth skin, arched brows and long hair. Otherwise, he seemed to be going for a contrived grunge look to fit his new image as a rock n roll bass-player.

‘Bassist? Who’d have thought it?,’ Davey observed wryly. ‘Still trying to figure out who he is.’ He’d been accused of that himself every time he dramatically changed his own look. After all, when they’d met, Davey’s black hair was at its longest and dyed platinum blonde at the roots. A hair band was a necessary fashion accessory, as were the facial piercings. Contrary to popular belief, he’d always known who he was. The difference was that now, at 35, he accepted it.

He’d been speechless when he’d opened his hotel room door, expecting someone else. It wasn’t that they hadn’t seen each other since the end of their affair. They’d been in the same space many times but always with others present and always averting their eyes. Davey had heard the rumor he was in the city and had been watching every night of Davey’s run. Davey found that incredulous and dismissed it. Where did people get these crazy ideas? Why couldn’t they let sleeping dogs lie?

But then there he was and Davey couldn’t say a word as he stepped over the threshold and closed the door behind him, equally silent. Then out of nowhere words began to flow but it quickly turned ugly. Suddenly they were arguing viciously, exposing all the pent-up jealousy that had been building during their years apart, every petty accusation stoking the fire. Their voices rose and became shouts and curses.

The heat of their rage drew them closer together, close enough to spit. When Davey’s Italian temper had reached its crescendo, his hand shot out and closed the small distance between them with impact. That shove in the chest was followed by a second of shocked silence and then Davey was gripped by his biceps and immobilized.

The contact released everything they’d held at bay for so long. Without warning, they were in each other’s arms in a fierce embrace. Davey had become so light and thin during the last few years, he was nearly lifted off the ground by the force of it. His head tilted back too far to be comfortable as their mouths met, hard and awkward. Teeth inadvertently snagged the flesh of his lip where his hoop once was. Perhaps old habits die hard.

He plunged into the kiss like he needed it more than air. This was the mouth he’d been waiting for. They trusted neither would end this and it led to tenderness. Their bodies relaxed against each other and hands reclaimed forgotten territory as they slid beneath shirts, dipped under waistbands, clutched strands of long, tangled hair and rubbed over stubbled cheeks.

Davey felt his face wet with tears he realized were not his own. That was when he took them into the next room and they fell down on the bed. Davey was on his back and loved the curtain of dark hair that fell and surrounded his face as they continued to kiss. Clothing became an impediment as they continued to run their hands everywhere they could reach so they separated and with just a few quick moves, shirts and shoes were off.

Then they fell on each other again and the sensation of naked chests, nipples, shoulders and arms made them groan. Now the long hair was just an annoyance to Davey, an obstacle that kept him from accessing the long neck he wanted to kiss and nip. He rolled them so he was on top. He might be smaller in stature but he was still stronger.

Despite being in the dominant position, he was caught in impossibly thin legs and arms. They were so close but not close enough and he attempted to get their pants off without freeing himself but couldn’t manage it. He unceremoniously got up and stood by the bed, where he stripped off his and then peeled off his lover’s skintight pants. He just stood there looking in awe at what was revealed.

He was hard for him. Davey dropped to his knees at the side of the bed and gazed up at the lovely sight. He slid his open palms up the thighs and let his thumbs drag in the crevices where they met genitals. He heard a soft moan as he continued to smooth the sharp angles of those pubic bones with his hands.

He wrapped his hands around his lover’s waist and in one swift motion pulled him to the edge of the bed, He tossed the long legs over his back so the knees rested on his shoulders and those thin calves could hug his shoulder blades. Davey’s mouth was hovering just above the quivering cock.

He lovingly held it so he could steady it as he kissed it tenderly, not neglecting an inch. He was salivating with anticipation of the feel of it between his firm lips. He wasn’t disappointed when he took the entire length to the back of his throat. Sucking as he pulled out again, he repeated the motion over and over until he tasted the sweet, salty pre-cum. He fisted his own cock in accompaniment.

The thighs over his shoulders now had his head in a vise-grip and nails dug into his shoulders as his lover thrust up into his mouth. Davey knew it would be soon. Suddenly, he was freed and a raspy voice raw with desire commanded, “ Come up here.” An awkward scramble up the bed landed them face to face. Their cocks nestled and aligned as Davey stretched out full-length on him.

He gazed down at him while holding his wrists against the pillow and rocked against him. He bent down to kiss his mouth and their tongues went deep. They continued to kiss as their movements became more frantic as ribs bruised ribs and hipbones ground together painfully. The concave formed by their bellies was wet with sweat and the sex from their straining cocks trapped between them.

Their kiss broke apart as they both came one after the other, gasping and moaning. It was a long time before they lie completely still. Finally, Davey pulled away to roll onto his side and the sticky sounds of separation made them laugh. Then he nestled against the smooth chest and lazily circled a nipple with his fingertip until they drifted into a contented sleep.

Now they faced each other in the morning light dimmed by heavy hotel curtains. Davey draped a leg high over a narrow waist and moved as close as possible until they were pressed together. He felt a cock rise against him and burrow into the warm, welcoming crevice under his balls, very near his entrance.

He knew he wanted this. He’d had his share of beautiful thieves of both sexes in the private world he’d created after learning the hard way not to share the details. In all that time he hadn’t permitted this intimacy. He answered the coy smile that had smitten him years ago with a whisper about something they could use for lube. Before he left the bed to find it he looked deep into those eyes, now hooded with fresh desire. In that moment he had an epiphany. He realized he’d finally wised up. Only an idiot would let Nils go a second time – and he was no fool.

THE END

 

  
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